Independent

when i found out i was pregnant with amir, i told hubby that i wanted to take a year off work - sabatical lah kononnya. 3 months after amir was born, i tendered my resignation from a well-known big 4 consulting firm, with a really good pay to stay at home and be with my baby. it was a good decision, from my point of view. i wasnt young, i was reaching my 30s. and to have my first child at that age, did something to me. i just wanted to be with him 24 hours a day, i wanted to ignore the outside world and just let it be me and him. i wanted to watch him grow right before my eyes, wanted to be around when he fell, when he cut his first tooth, when he takes his first step, i wanted to be there.

alhamdulillah, i managed to do it. exactly a year after that, i went back to work. it wasnt easy. i cried all the time, at work, during lunch, on the way to work, on the way home, during prayers. i didnt want to be away from amir and i didnt like to be forced to go back to work (not by anyone, more of by circumstances). i didnt like the fact that other people took care of amir, gave him food, bathed him, cleaned his doo doo. when we went to pick him up everyday, there's always something about the way he looked that i didnt like. he wasnt clean enough, he didnt smell good, he nails were not short enough, he wasnt as fair as before...there's always something i would pick.

it wasnt easy sending him in the wee hours of the morning and picking him up after maghrib. our social really took a back seat. we cant even go out to watch a movie, because sensitive old mummy would be crying half way through the movie, asking hubby...amir buat apa? amir makan apa?

not only was it tiring us physically, we also had to endure the million dollar question everyone asked, when are you getting a maid?

and now with two boys...the question came at full speed. before they asked, how are you, they would first ask...when's the maid coming? hubby and i are getting tired of that question. if we wanted one, we would have gotten one ages ago. the point is - we still dont know if we wanted one. there are other options i would like to consider, like sending the boys to a babysitter, or sending amir to school and asyraf to a babysitter. anything. we just dont like the idea of someone being at home with us, of someone cleaning up after me, as i'm so particular about the way things are done in my house. of someone being in our house with our children, while we are off at work. we dont like leaving someone alone at home while we take the boys out on weekends or on a trip or out visiting. and we certainly dont like to take someone out with us when we go out.

everyone's asking how i'm going to handle 2 boys during my 2 months confinement. well, big news - i have managed to handle. its not that difficult, really. amir may be a bit hyper, but switch on "monsters inc" and he's as quiet as a mouse. asyraf's just wants to be held everytime, so here's where the baby carrier comes in handy. house cleaning? i do what i can, and ignore the rest. i've gone through 6 months of minimal cleaning, havent i? food...bread and cereal keeps us happy. hubby prepares dinner, and lunch is a phone call away.

hubby helps out with the laundry, while i just need 20 minutes a day to fold clothes. after dinner, hubby would wash dishes while i sweep the floor. the house is liveable and its relatively clean. the cleanest room is obviously our room. i vacuum twice a day and wash the bathroom twice a week. the other rooms are untouched so i dont bother cleaning them. no one's going in there anyway.

so, why exactly do we need a maid? why are people pestering us to get one? dont get me wrong, i do appreciate the suggestions and help that people gave us (nina, dot, nae among others) and i dont deny maids are helpful, handy, but if i can manage, then why waste our resources? and at the moment, we can handle...