Conversation Post-Obsession

on ariff's bed, me (watching thomas with akmal on my lap) & amir (holding his new leapster 2)...

me: amir, tengok ni, mummy ada baby comel
amir: tu baby amir lah
me: ni baby mummy
amir: baby amir jugak
me: amir, mummy sayang lah baby mummy
amir: amir pun sayang jugak baby amir
me: mummy sayang amir tak?
amir: sayanggggg
me: mummy sayang asyraf tak?
amir: sayanggggg
me: mummy sayang ariff tak?
amir: sayangggg
me: amir, mummy sayang amir ke sayang akmal
amir: sayang dua-dua lah, amir pun sayang, akmal pun sayang
me: banyak-banyak ke sikit-sikit?
amir: mestilah banyak-banyak
me: kenapa orang semua cakap mummy sayang akmal je saja?
amir: ish orang semua niiiiii...

*sigh* amir's grown up and so abang long...

Obsession

there are a few things i'm obsessed about - lists, laundry, and that one boy - engku akmal izzat. i am tremendously, whole-heartedly obsessed with him. anything and everything he does bring tears to my eyes, swells my heart with pride and makes me smile like a goofball.

i am obsessed with him, to a point where it irritates hubby who would rolls his eyes, to a point where i would just look at him sleeping in his cot, to a point where i would hold his hand while we're both sleeping.

it doesnt mean i have a favourite out of the four. they are all different yet the same. ariff's the learner (at the moment), asyraf's the brilliant one, amir's the big one who's slowly understands and taking on the abang long responsibilities. akmal's just the baby, the one who follows everyone around, the one everyone adore and would just stop to hug and kiss, the one everyone would fight over.

one reason why i'm so into akmal now is because i was not into the pregnancy when i was carrying him. dont get me wrong, it wasnt going to lead to hating the baby or hurting the baby even, but i was just not into the pregnancy. i was not prepared to be pregnant, i was not prepared to welcome a fourth baby when my eldest was just 3 years old. my heart and my mind wasnt keeping up with my body and i was feeling down quite often. it got so bad at times that i willed the baby to just come out and started getting contractions as early as my 24th week. i even willed myself to deliver at the 36th week as i just could not carry on being pregnant.

delivering akmal was also very emotional. i was faced with the possibility of another 'dongak' baby like asyraf, i bled a lot, i had effects from the epidural, akmal's umblilical cord was wrapped around him. it wasnt a difficult delivery but i was too overwhelmed by the whole 9 months and the delivery and the thought of another baby to look after that i felt that it was all so difficult.

then when i was at home during confinement, i realised what an angel i had. akmal was so small and so easy (apart from the dribbling problem he had) and was so on schedule and just so 'a baby'. akmal was and still is a sensitive baby. he would get the sniffles and cough and flu and the ultimate fever (he can shoot up to 40c in a heartbeat) but he was never difficult. he can get diaper rash and bumps and reddish spots but he was never difficult. he would be in and out of the hospital (he has been admitted 9 times (or was it 10) so far) but he was never difficult. taking care of him is easy. he would drink and sleep, sleep and drink.

its such a turnaround, the difficult pregnancy to this easy baby and that makes me feel attached to him. he doesnt need cuddling, but i would cuddle him. he doesnt need to be rocked to sleep, but i would rock him to sleep. he's very independent and i guess i cant let go. akmal's able to nap on his own, just put him in his cot, give him a towel, switch on a thomas dvd and close the door. a peep into the room after 10 minutes will see him fast asleep. he doesnt even need a bottle before dozing off. if he wakes up and i desperately need to rest, he can continue sitting in his cot watching thomas for another hour. akmal can sleep on his own, play on his own, he's just so easy and i'm just so proud of him.

sometimes i miss him so much even though he's right next to me, sometimes i wake him up from his sleep just to see him smile. i've given him many, many names - amal, imal, malmal, mamal, mimal, maljat, ajat, ijat, jatjat, jijat, jajat and the infamous, adik baby.

i know, i am a mummy and four and i love, love, absolutely bloody love all my four boys (none more than the other). but this akmal izzat...there's just something about him...

Pre-Balik Kampung

i've been talking about this for-like-ever! my balik kampung trip. since 2000, when i returned to malaysia after 5 years in sunny ol' england, i've been putting this on my no-dateline-to-do-list. i must go back but when, i really dont know. then of course one thing and another cropped up - jobless hence no money, new job hence no time, boyfriend hence berkepit (kah kah kah), engagement, marriage, new house, sabbatical, new job, baby-baby-baby-baby hence combination of no money, no time and no energy.

once the baby(ies) era are over and done with (ok...there's so gonna be a post on WE ARE STOPPING AT FOUR soon), hubby and i sat down and said 'its gonna be this year'. this will finally be the year when i get to pack up my bags (change to "we" and "our") and start the journey balik kampung. and its really been a good decision, alhamdulillah, as everything seemed to fall into place once we decided.

primarily, this would be the last year where we can take it easy when it comes to school - at the end of next year we'll be preparing for amir's standard 1 so a year-end trip would not be a good idea. the boys are also big enough to enjoy a long holiday, with 2 being diaper-less (1 in the process of being toilet trained) and 3 are now formula-less (1 taking only 2 bottles a day). some would wonder why would that be a factor, believe me, stopping every now and then to prepare a bottle of milk is not a laughing matter with 4 boys in tow. the fact that we no longer need to do it more than once when we're out and about is blissful! plus we no longer need to heret a thermos and formula here and there. finally (and honestly the most important) the financial aspect. alhamdulillah, its been a good year, that's all i'm going to say.

so there...everything seemed to be going our way. earlier in the year, we planned, we googled, we surfed. as the months passed by, it became more and more intense. planning started to get more detailed and my list kept getting longer. now as we're about to enter november, i've finalised 93% of the preparation, booked almost everything on the list - except tickets to 5 tourist spots, bought almost all the pre-travel items and prepared a booklet (i have gone beyond just a simple itinerary) of 65 pages (yes, you read it right...65 freaking pages, people!)

its been a wonderful phase, this planning. its very therapeutic. its very calming. its very educational. and its excellent to have a partner who shares my enthusiasm (although sometimes he gets shocked at the amount to be spent and start screaming) and even more fantastic to have 3 boys (akmal not included) who are as excited about the trip and the weather and the journey as the parents.

we still have a bit more to do, still a few things left to purchase, to book, to finalise and to research. but insyaallah, we'll be able to settle everything before the end of november. the first couple of weeks of december will be spent clearing off our work, ensuring things for the new school year are settled and tieing up some loose ends.

for now, its these items that keep us going...
part of my travel booklet...














the four we're doing this for...

Kindergarten

the time has come for us to find a new kindy for the boys, mainly for amir & asyraf. we're happy with their current daycare / kindy. they have learned so many things, become independent and more confident being at taska tadika ibnu soleh. we absolutely love the teachers, love the activities and love the fact that the boys are well taken care of (from our point of view, at least).

but with amir about to enter standard 1 at the primary school nearby, we thought it would be better if we took him out of his current kindy and send to another nearer the house, nearer the primary school so that he would know and make friends with his future standard 1 classmates. we never want to send only 1 so wherever and whenever amir moves, asyraf follows.

so first part was done...to send amir and asyraf to a new school. the second part was not as easy...which school? we had 2 choices before us, 3 actually but i was not so keen on one of the kindies in our area. so it was down to 2 - ad-daris or bahtera ilmu. we compared both from the perspective of monthly fees, registration, medium used, school hours, teachers, area and decided on bahtera ilmu.

price-wise, either one we chose, we had to prepare to tighten our budget in the upcoming years as both schools were far more expensive than the boys' current kindy. school hours were roughly the same, both schools used english and both school had islamic studies (of course nowhere near the level of tadika ibnu soleh, which is excellent when it comes to basic islamic curriculum). after discussing and deliberating, hubby and i opted for bahtera ilmu. we took the boys to see their new school when we settled the registration and they seemed to like it.

during the next few years, we'll be joining the crowd of parents queueing up at schools the first week of january; starting with new kindy for amir and asyraf next year, then its standard 1 for amir in the following year, then standard 1 for asyraf and new school for ariff and akmal (all in one year *gasp*), followed by standard 1 for ariff then finally, standard 1 for akmal. non-stop!

for now, we're just looking forward to a new phase in the boys' life and a change to ours. hopefully, everything will go smoothly and we'll be able to manage all bumps and dips, insyaallah.

the boys new uniform, the little sailors, and their outdoor outfit, complete with little hats. too cute! only pending items on the new-school-list are shoes, socks, school bags & stationeries, which i will start buying next month.

Silly Billy

the boys are into (and i mean very into) silly faces when the camera is pointed at them. they'd make silly faces then quickly run over to see how they look like and run back in front of the camera to pose. embarassing, really *sigh*

yes, they love to pose and yes, they look, what's the word people would use, 'baik'. but that's when the camera's pointed at them and when they are in a good mood.

other times...amir would be the elder brother who would scream at and shout at and laugh at and disturb his younger siblings. asyraf would be the crybaby who, well, cries. ariff would then come running towards asyraf and start making fun of asyraf who cries till he turns blue. being enemies, asyraf would then bring up his arm and scratch ariff away, who then cries as well. akmal would be in the middle of it all, walking from one person to another. ah yes...that's how they are. screaming, shouting, crying, scratching.

Ramadhan

i love the month of ramadhan. i love the peacefulness, the serenity, the togetherness (be it the sounds of neighbours waking up before dawn or the rush of the working crowd to get home in time for iftar or the mushroom-ing of pasar ramadhan or the sight of ballooning crowd at the mosque for terawih prayers even the daily status update of 'what to eat, what to cook'). i look forward to ramadhan more than syawal. syawal's become too commercialised, too full of 'forgiveness but repeating', too much of 'puasa sebulan so must raya sebulan' notion.

this year, ramadhan's passed by quite fast. the start of ramadhan was sweet yet sad. sweet as amir was ready to fast. i talked to amir about fasting a couple of weeks before ramadhan. told him what it would be like - the early morning sahur, the abstinance of food and drinks, the waiting for iftar. he seemed to be open to the idea and was more determined after his teachers talked about fasting in school. but it was very sad that i could not experience the first sahur and first iftar with amir, as ariff and akmal have not been discharged.

alhamdulillah, at the age of 5 years and 7 months, amir managed to fast for 10 days. on saturdays and sundays, we asked him not to fast as his brothers were not fasting. he also had his cooking class 2 saturdays of the fasting month and we didnt want to let him watch his friends eat when he could not. there were a couple of days where he was not feeling well and now that we're coming towards the last 10 days of the month of ramadhan, hubby and i decided not to let amir fast. he looked a bit tired but, alhamdulillah, it was more than we expected of amir at this age.

our daily routine is pretty much the same every day during ramadhan. hubby leaves his office at 4:30pm and heads off to a pasar ramadhan. menu is roughly the same every day - laksam, nasi kerabu & lompat tikam for hubby; laksa for myself; 2 packs of nasi goreng or nasi lemak shared between the 4 boys and kuihs (usually popiah, seri muka, kuih ketayap and onde onde) more for the boys than us. then he'll meet me at kelana jaya, pick up the boys and we'll be on our way home.

once we get home, hubby takes the boys upstairs to bathe, i pack their bags for the next day, start the washing machine, pick up the laundry and set the table. then they all come down, hubby would feed them while i fold the clothes. when we break our fast, the boys would be watching telly or be at the island, eating the kuihs. before we go up, i'll air the clothes and usually everything's done before we perform our maghrib prayers. everything's done quite fast, by 8 we will be upstairs watching telly and helping the boys with their homework or just watching them run from one room to another.

i would love to cook during the weekend but i've only cooked three times so far - making beef stew the 2nd weekend of ramadhan, the second time we had grilled steak and chicken and most recently, i made lasagna (which akmal & asyraf seriously loved).

preparation for syawal this year was pretty smooth. we've tried to keep spending at its minimum and i think we've achieved that. generally we have 2 pairs of baju raya each - red for the first day, blue for the second. the boys were given jubah from their nenny so maybe that can be the baju for the afternoon of the first day. i bought t-shirts for them to wear on the afternoon of the second day. pants would be something already in their wardrobe, not getting new full outfit this time. samping is also not on the list, they'll wear last year's. but i did get them songkok - amir requested for them, actually. no new shoes too - they still have their adidas sandals, except for ariff who outgrew his. that's it basically.

cookies, of course, must be bought. i cant imagine the cleaning up that comes with making my own cookies. i love making them but i hate cleaning up. again, i bought my cookies from shida of sweetfrosting. the menu for the first morning of syawal has been decided - nasi minyak, gulai daging, ayam masak merah & hubby's acar.

everything's pretty much settled and prepared except for the car. i do hope the car will be ready on time because we really need it for our holiday on the 3rd day of syawal.

Ariff Iqhwan

ariff iqhwan, his name means 'one who knows of brotherhood' but clearly that is not the case at the moment. ariff is currently on a mission against asyraf. when it comes to asyraf, ariff turns into mafia...a weapon-weilding, ass-kicking, fist-throwing, nail-scratching mafia.

it irks me to the core whenever i talk about ariff's violence only to get comments like 'no...he's so cool, no...he's a softie, no...he wouldnt do that'. yeah...like hell-u, were you actually there when it happened. jangan cakap you werent there, you werent even 2million metres near him!

ariff, generally, is easy. he can entertain himself, usually with his number of cars, his string of trains, his rownie. or he'll play alongside akmal, playing with thomas, watching the telly with him. he's wonderful during meal times. he'll sit quietly from the word go till he finishes every single item on his plate (and then some). he's great in the car, he'll sit quietly in his car seat, looking out of the window. he's excellent when it comes to nap time, he will fall asleep on his own way, before others.

but take those away, and you're left with a boy who refuses to budge whenever he's given instructions, a boy who puts his head under running water and come out gasping for breath, a boy who cant stand the sight of his abang and does everything he can to show that, a boy who is a terrible, horrible patient who screams and whines and cries at the hint of slight fever (he's been that way since he was a wee baby).

for now, out of the 4 ariff's the worst when we're at home. he's difficult to talk to, he's terrible when we're giving instructions, he shouts and screams, he bulldozes his way down the stairs, he opens and shuts and locks the doors, the plays with remotes on the bedside table, he pushes his trains and cars to and fro in front of the tv. his worst attitude is his vendetta against his abang asyraf. nothing and everything asyraf does is not acceptable to him, not asyraf's jumping, his running, his hands clapping, his colouring, his cough, his sneeze, his snore, the way he sits, the way he bathes, the way he talks. if ever asyraf were to step an inch over the boundaries ariff has set, its world war 3. ariff will run and run and run after asyraf, hitting him with anything in his way be it thomas, a helicopter, shrek, woody, the remote, a pen, anything he can grab hold of.

when we're out however, ariff takes on another persona. he's relaxed, he's quiet, he listens, he obeys (as much as he could), he says 2 words in an hour and, most importantly, he ignores asyraf and the lack of shouting and screaming and hitting and scratching and the crying that follows, make the world a beautiful place.

in school, his teachers say ariff is extra helpful. helpful in the sense that he brings his classmates bags to the door, sometimes passing the bags to their parents. ariff gets special treatment from his kak yus and sometimes, from his cikgu fatim. they are actually the carer of babies. his own class teacher, cikgu sally is not so soft with him. but when she scolds him, there comes kak yus to save him. one of the way to make ariff angry is to say 'nanti babab kak yus' then ariff with get all protective-like and shouts 'eiiii tak bolehhhh!!' spoilt boy!

ariff is the echo. he echoes everything abang long and abang says. his 2 elder brothers have 400 stories everyday on the way home from school. ariff, who is in a different school and are with toddler classmates, have no stories to tell. that and he hasnt really adopted the story telling character. so rather than being left out in the car, he would shout out every now and then with 'cikgu sally naik motor', 'ariff pakai baju red' or his very famous 'ehhh busssss'.

ariff has the worst pelat case in history. its difficult to understand what he wants to say, only amir, his mummy and occasionally asyraf understand his language. mok nak run rang rang means 'ariff nak turun sorang-sorang', 'nak we we' means 'nak dua dua'. ariff now is slowly learning to say the one word he has never said in his life - ariff. he is learning to drop the word 'mok' and use the word 'ariff'. he regused initially, then slowly used 'ariff mok' sort of to still stick to his normal 'name' but will open to using mummy and daddy's name, now have progressed to using 'ariff' on a regular basis.

ariff's favourite line is 'anti mok atam ye' (nanti mok datang ye). that's his line whenever he bids anyone farewell. while people would use the normal (and simple) 'bye', ariff would be going all 'anti mok atam ye' to his parents, his brothers, his teachers, his aunties even to the stray cat that walks past our porch. its as though he wants to tell everyone that he'll come back, not to worry. sorta like arnie's trademark 'i'll be back' but, well, not exactly like that.

ariff has a lot of character, honestly. he has a lot of sides to himself. a lot of people see the 'outdoor' ariff, not the 'indoor' or 'in school' ariff. that's what pisses me off when i talk about ariff because people find it hard to see him in other light and make it seem like we're telling tales about him. telling tales is one thing but there are also people who seem to 'know' ariff...without even meeting him, or meeting him only once, twice, three times. again, that's the 'outdoor' ariff. trust his mother, trust his father...there are other sides to ariff iqhwan.

Latest Holiday

after a weekend of high temperature (ariff reached 39.5c and akmal was 40.1c at one time) and flu and cough and finally wheezing, we decided to take monday off to visit our saviour, dr azizi. when we visitied him, ariff was hyper. he didnt look like he had high fever the day before. but he still had his flu so his pead gave him the appropriate medication. when he checked akmal, it was a different story. akmal was weak, his flu was terrible, his wheezing obvious. he hadnt had his susu since sunday and that, with the fever he had, contributed to him being weak.

first up was the nasal swab. then he was prescribed the nebuliser. akmal was screaming and kicking when he was looked at and when the doctor did the nasal swab. when the time came for him to do the nebuliser, he gave up and was actually sleeping. we went back in after the neb, and, surprise surprise, the diagnose was - admission. so not surprising. akmal's pead just said - he's extremely sensitive. tell me about it, doc!

so we settled the admission with the doc's assistants. we're ok with any room to start with but then please move us up to our normal room. the room will only be ready later that day so we decided to go home to pack and then come back. we went to the pharmacy to get ariff's medicine. at this time, ariff was lying next to akmal on the stroller. he didnt look good. he felt a bit warm. we decided to go to the a&e to get his temperature and, if necessary, to give him the voltaren supp we got from the pharmacist.

the hyper ariff, who was jumping in the pead's clinic and running while akmal had to do the nebuliser, was now a whopping 40c. quickly the a&e nurse inserted the voltaren supp, took off ariff's clothes and washed him down with tepid water (new thing i learned - first target the head and neck because there are 2 main blood vessels and they need to be cooled down to stop heated blood from being flowed to the rest of the body). we saw the pead's assistant walking to the a&e and she advised us to admit ariff as well.

so there we were - 2 boys to be admitted. we went to silver spoons for a quick lunch then went home. i gave myself 30 minutes to pray, fold a basket of clothes, air the clothes i put in the machine earlier that morning, prepare amir & asyraf's school uniform for the next couple of days and prepare clothes for the 3 of us (ariff, akmal and me). ngam-ngam 30 minutes.

we spent the first night in a double-bedded in the peadiatric ward. not so nice, seriously. didnt help with the 4-hourly nebuliser and the orchestra by ariff & akmal, i didnt get much sleep. early the next morning, we went to the premier ward. it was seriously much better (spoilt, arent we??). the 4-hourly nebuliser continued, akmal was put on drip as he refused milk since sunday and my mind was with amir, who was to fast for the first time.

after a day, ariff had shown much improvement. his wheezing almost fully stopped. akmal on the other hand, took a longer time. dr azizi kept saying he's too sensitive, he had a smaller-than-normal airway and his lungs/chest was slightly smaller too. that meant when he had flu, all would be easily affected and on comes the cough, the wheezing, the shortness of breath. he said akmal being admitted when he was at the wee age of 1 month was an indication of how it would be and be prepared for more admissions. its ok doc, if we get the premier ward, we dont mind.

akmal only showed improvement on wednesday afternoon. that was after the pead changed some of his medication. they boys were finally discharged on thursday. when we got home, we didnt feel too good about akmal. his nose was still blocked, and as he slept with his thumb in his mouth, it made breathing very difficult for him. oh well...we need to be extra careful with this little one. so if there's anymore status update about being admitted, dont worry, its not a huge deal. its just because this boy is extra sensitive, memang sangat lah anak manja ini budak...

high temperature over the weekend...

ariff who was initially very active compared to akmal, who was the total opposite, all weak when doing the neb...





















ariff's temp had shot up and he had to be sponged down...


















we're all packed to be admitted...













first night in the hospital...

ah...this is more familiar, the room i meant, not the boys...

budak-budak yang sakit...